|A journal entry
||[Aug. 27th, 2008|12:54 am]
en ås i dype skogen
|||||Mayhem - Out From The Dark||]|
Life is kind of rough for me right now. I am dealing with alot of grief in my family and friendships, being shaken up and forced to make evaluations as to what's going to be left behind, sacrificed to keep moving on, just keep my head above the waves... I have a few true friends who I know will be with me no matter what, and will give as much support as I need... That's definitely enough for me and I'm eternally thankful.
My 31st birthday is coming up and that's pretty wierd. I never thought I'd live to be 30, I sometimes feel like an alien creature wearing someone else's body, living someone else's life, I don't even know how to adequately convey how it feels, I suppose it's a chrysalis stage, I just hope I emerge from it whole and functional. Not just be another one of god's little mistakes, something for others to pity or learn from as an example of what to avoid. Anyway, I've spent enough time fucking off and doing nothing, wasting time, being trashed and strung out, I don't have the lack of character to stay stuck in such regressive, purposeless behaviour, and become one of those sick soulless creatures on the public walkways begging for beer money or eating from wastebins, wearing filthy rags and surviving just to exist. I will continue to struggle, to pay off my accrued debts, to support my mother and sister, to get myself another place to live, and a new vehicle, to study and kick ass on this fucked up world, to make it serve me; make it exist for my purpose, my will. To bring into being my supreme will, the burning essense of desire that spawned myself into being. I won't be denied of that. And I won't let my friends be cheated of what I can bring them in this life...